Fresh start.

Second year officially started on Tuesday, we were warned quite a lot of times that year 2 is going to be much more harder than year 1, and that for those who think year 1 was tough, toughness of year 2 is going to be double. I'm scared by those words, yet since finally I've found a little interest in law, I'm going to work very hard to get the law degree, and will only figure out what actually I want to do after that. Lawyer is definitely not a job for life for me. I deserve something else, not knowing it yet though.

Anyway, my new bloody short hair has made my old classmates to focus on my hair on the first day. Feedback wasn't too bad, maybe short hair suit me better. I'm not that kind of girl, who's willing to spend time on hair. And long hair makes me feel weird, I have a thought that girls with long hair should be quiet, smile shyly, you know, that kind of things, like a princess. Though, I'm not, very obvious. Having to change a style indicates that how determine am I to not look back on the past, it keeps on reminding me that there is no turning back and that I have to move on.

After all, I have no regret.

Bloody short hair.

916, Happy Malaysia Day to everyone, it really is a day which worth celebrating after PM has had the announcement of abolishing Internal Security Act (ISA) and Emergency Ordinance, and also a couple of draconian laws.

So, spent half a day with mum at One Utama on this very joyful holiday.

Have had a very nice day too.

As you've seen, I've got a bloody short hair.

Which type of woman do you want to be?

I was tidying my room the other day and realised that I have got quite a number of collection of bags. Yea it might still be a nothing for some girls but for myself, I think I am very lucky that I can pampered myself with all these middle-classed designer brand bags at the age of 20.

Staring at my little collections, I can't imagine how lucky I am. I always get what I wanted, of course, in very limited circumstance I don't, but mostly, yes. Mum satisfies almost all my wishes, and gives extra sometimes, when I didn't ask for it. Mum is the kind of mother who expresses her love to her kids by buying them stuffs, so I've never ran out of anything. Everything that's been given by parents is very enough, in fact, kinda exceeding yet I don't appreciate what I have sometimes. I know, this is a very wrong part of myself and I'm trying to fix it.

In most circumstances, I accept love from mum and I seldom, or rarely love her back. Until few days ago, when she acted like a child and asked dad for a birthday present, and I realised from that point of time that every girl wants to be loved and it must be expressed by word, by action or by conduct, not by silence.

At last my dad, as usual, is still acting like a robot and didn't buy my mum a gift, saying that she's already had what she's supposed to have. Everyone at home is disappointed in him, those who're still single and available swore to god that they'll never ever find a husband like this, although he is our dad but so what? I still don't want a husband like this because I'm not going to spend the rest of my life with him, what's the point of getting a always-let-you-down husband?

Or, on the other hand, from that little incident I also realised that women should never rely on men. Once they leave you, that's it, you're done with everything, not only losing a man who used to love you like you are his whole world, but also losing your financial support, and friends, if you treat him like your whole world too. All of sudden, you will be so lost and not knowing what to do next. After that? Probably wasting tissue and cry your ass off. What's next? You still have to move on.

So what's my point? Girls, find anything that can support your living, you can't have your income from a man. Oh of course you can, if you treat the income as an extra money for shopping. Get a job and stop dreaming about all those forever-and-ever-after fairy tales. There is a reason that those stories are give a name fairy tales, wake up. Doesn't is more cheering when you get a Hermes Birkin bag yourself instead of begging from your guy? And of course again, if you are perfect enough to let a man to buy you one, I have nothing to say. And doesn't it more joyful when you can afford a Volvo or BMW or whatever by your own income? Don't you feel proud of yourself when you have achieved something?

I'm going to work so hard that one day I can be a woman like this, no kidding.

What I want for this holiday.

The one and only holiday I've had has almost come to an end.

I didn't do anything particularly significant, nor particularly meaningful.

What I really want to do during this holiday is to have a really nice break after 8 months of torturing ( well, I had a 7-day SEM BREAK in between).

I just want to do whatever that comes suddenly to my mind, without being restricted by schedule. I want to get sufficient rest, I don't want to do anything relating to school, I want to start having a healthy routine, no more staying up late to rush for assignment, to study for exam. I'm tired of being stressed out, of being tearing in the middle of the all the sleepless nights, of not daring to go to bed just because I was afraid of I wasn't doing enough as others did, I am so tired.

If you haven't been through this, you'd definitely have no idea how did I feel after all those had over.

I smiled as if I just got a diamond ring from a guy I love, I shouted as if I won a Ferrari, I got drunk as if I was invisible and wouldn't be seen by anybody else. All these were great, brilliant, amazing, awesome, and whatever adjectives you can think of to describe happiness and excitement.

And finally, result was released after one week of exam.

I'm very proud to say that all my efforts are not wasted, I've passed the very first year of my degree, not passing with flying colours, yet it is enough for me to apply for a not-too-bad university in my third year.

What I really want to say is that, getting what you want is absolutely fine, provided that you get it yourself, with your own hard work and effort.

Yes, I'm harsh, even to myself.

I don't mind being a devil, I don't mind being criticized, and I don't even mind losing.

As long as I know I'm right, and as long as I still think that I'm right after thinking and considering repeatedly.

Life, as we know it.