Goodbye the past!

Hello everyone,
kindly be informed that I've had a new blog now.

danielleshinyi.blogspot.com


Thank you and have a nice day.


p/s: goodbye the past!

It's hard to choose between two evils.

Which one is nicer?

I'm like a old lady who's undergoing menopause.

Yes, here comes again the unhealthy lifestyle, assignments' fault, not mine.

No pain, no gain. I guess I will just have to work hard and get through all these challenges.

At least my effort has not made me disappointed so far, one down, four more to go.

Hopefully by the end of next week, there will be just three more left, hopefully.

December's been really hectic, it's getting nearer to new year without realising how fast the time has passed. For the sake of assignments, I started to skip class regularly just recently.

Yea, that wasn't a typo, I skip class regularly, and feel guilty while burying myself back to piles and piles of books and notes. Never mind, it's fine to skip class to make myself guiltier, yet happier.

Holiday is around the corner, joy of Christmas is everywhere.

I'm actually very looking forward to Christmas, not only because it is a festive season where I can see all the lovely decorations and Santa Claus and candies etc etc but also because I can finally have another two weeks of holiday. Just not long ago, Syazana told me she will be coming back for Christmas, as how I did last year, just that I didn't leave anymore after that. Anyways, her good news has made me more excited for Christmas. What I'm thinking now is to get my work done as much as possible and play as hard as possible during holiday.

Recently, it seems like a trend for me to keep coming home from uni.

Perhaps because of all the workload I got there has scared me away from staying there, and at this kind of situation home becomes a heaven for me. You know, when you are not so far yet not so near to a stressful place, when you are just in the middle, you feel comfortable.

By the way, classmates actually started planning what are we gonna do after final next year in June! Sounds so interesting isn't it? Will probably have a trip to Taiwan, hopefully we are really going! Travelling around makes me feel really great because I get to explore and escape.

Honestly I don't know what's the purpose of this post but just feel like writing something here as it has been abandoned for quite a long time. Will try to get it more up to date, just try, isn't a promise. Oh, I know I've been acting like a really aggressive woman who's undergoing menopause, I'm sorry I was out of my mind. In fact we really don't have to care for those who do not give a damn on us. It is great that they are doing well, if they are not, touch wood, it's not your concern as well. So just be stranger and act like we never know each other, and treat each other like we don't exist in each other's world. Sound mean? Yea I am. Sometimes it's ok to be selfish instead of selfless, why? Because they don't care what you have done, so be selfish, love yourself more, only love those who love you back, the rest? Fuck off. I don't want these people in my life, I'd rather be alone.

Be selfish and selfless, be mean and kind, be an angel and a devil, laugh at people and turn back on people, all these contrasts, are what I've learnt to protect myself.

Want me to be helpful, be kind to me first.

Want me to smile, smile at me first.

Want me to be bitchy, of course, be a bitch in front of me and I'll pay you in double.

Say whatever you want, but before judging me, put yourself into my shoes first.

You've heard what I have been through, not get through what I have been.

So basically I'm asking you to shut up.

I'm dead.

It's not a good idea to be emotional at this point of time but I'm so sorry that I'm emotional now.

Five assignments, all due in a month, tons of information to be read and digested into my head and words to be coming out from my head, rephrasing those overwhelming information. I don't know, I'm not even sure now whether I can do this or not. It's just too much. I know I've been running away from this but if I don't face it now, I'm gonna be so so so so dead.

And at this point, I just wonder if anyone out there is willing to offer me a help, just like how I did.

Ah I don't think so, they're not studying law, they can't help me, they can just staring at me thinking how pitiful I'm, thinking I should be fine because I look so smart to them.

YES THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT.

That's why I always get calls asking me for help, and after that, I'm just a piece of shit, burying myself back to my work and no one calls, not even a thanks. Come on, is it too over to ask for a thank you?

I'm such a pathetic bitch.

一句话。

君恨我生迟，我恨君生早。

Human beings are selfish!

Human beings are selfish, just admit it.

You give in for a reason,

I don't believe you're not asking for a single thing for your effort,

honestly, that's bullshit.

Conclusion is, human beings are selfish, just fucking admit it.

I'm just an ordinary human being, being a little bit extraordinary,

because I know, and I admit it, that I'm selfish.

Oh damn, I stepped on a real shit this time.

Life with joy.

This week is in fact, fun and joyful.

Finally got to buy the cupcakes I have always wanted to buy, yet I haven't tasted it personally, will get a box for myself very very soon!

People say not to judge a book by its cover, but looking at these cutie baby cupcakes I can't help myself but to believe that it is very nice in fact!

Looking at these I feel incredibly happy.

Another love of my life, sushi.

Have been having Japanese food at least once in a week, whenever I am, I think of it, simply love it very much, can't resist the temptation of sushi and soba.

I don't want to listen to anything bad, don't want to put myself into a difficult position, don't want to look at anything which is sad, stupid, pointless or whatsoever.

I'm having an absolutely brilliant life.

Just wondering.

Have you ever experienced this,

keep thinking of a person and start wondering if you have fallen for him.

Just wondering, you know.

Sexy Thursday.

Beer and handsome,

sexy Thursday.

Birthday wish.

091011.

Happy 20th birthday to myself.

I appreciate everything that's been given to me, either good or bad.

I appreciate everyone around me, either friend or so called 'unfriend'.

I appreciate that I was born to be me, because there is no one else like me.

I've made a wish, wish that everything is good, no sorrow and pain.

But the wind blew the flame away from me, because it knows it's impossible to live without sorrow and pain. So does it mean that I get another chance to make a wish?

If it's, I wish that every single effort that I've put in will be awarded.

It doesn't have to be a great award, but at least I get something in return, anything.

A smile, a thank you, a phone call, a kiss, a hug, a drink, you know, anything.

I'm not asking anything more that what I've put in, getting an award is an encouragement for me to continue putting in effort, to continue working hard.

That's what I'm thinking, and what I'm asking for.

I'm still not there, though.

Birthday wish, come true, please.

Time's been good, with shitty things happened.

Please do remember that no one was born to do you a favor, no one is supposed to help you out when you're in trouble, no one has a duty to take care of you forever, no one is required to back you up even when you are wrong and no one is responsible for your own fucking stupidity.

You were born with a brain so kindly make use of it and stop blaming someone else for your own naivety.

I CAN NO LONGER STAND IT.

Let me get drunk and get rid of these.

:)

It was a beautiful Saturday morning when I got up without alarm clock.

I was early for the 12pm class, was killing the time by reading on a textbook.

I love it when I don't have to rush, and enjoy the time when I can actually sit down and think about what to do later while having the very first meal of my day.

I don't know how hard second year will be but I think I can, I can.

Good life everyone.

Fresh start.

Second year officially started on Tuesday, we were warned quite a lot of times that year 2 is going to be much more harder than year 1, and that for those who think year 1 was tough, toughness of year 2 is going to be double. I'm scared by those words, yet since finally I've found a little interest in law, I'm going to work very hard to get the law degree, and will only figure out what actually I want to do after that. Lawyer is definitely not a job for life for me. I deserve something else, not knowing it yet though.

Anyway, my new bloody short hair has made my old classmates to focus on my hair on the first day. Feedback wasn't too bad, maybe short hair suit me better. I'm not that kind of girl, who's willing to spend time on hair. And long hair makes me feel weird, I have a thought that girls with long hair should be quiet, smile shyly, you know, that kind of things, like a princess. Though, I'm not, very obvious. Having to change a style indicates that how determine am I to not look back on the past, it keeps on reminding me that there is no turning back and that I have to move on.

After all, I have no regret.

Bloody short hair.

916, Happy Malaysia Day to everyone, it really is a day which worth celebrating after PM has had the announcement of abolishing Internal Security Act (ISA) and Emergency Ordinance, and also a couple of draconian laws.

So, spent half a day with mum at One Utama on this very joyful holiday.

Have had a very nice day too.

As you've seen, I've got a bloody short hair.

Which type of woman do you want to be?

I was tidying my room the other day and realised that I have got quite a number of collection of bags. Yea it might still be a nothing for some girls but for myself, I think I am very lucky that I can pampered myself with all these middle-classed designer brand bags at the age of 20.

Staring at my little collections, I can't imagine how lucky I am. I always get what I wanted, of course, in very limited circumstance I don't, but mostly, yes. Mum satisfies almost all my wishes, and gives extra sometimes, when I didn't ask for it. Mum is the kind of mother who expresses her love to her kids by buying them stuffs, so I've never ran out of anything. Everything that's been given by parents is very enough, in fact, kinda exceeding yet I don't appreciate what I have sometimes. I know, this is a very wrong part of myself and I'm trying to fix it.

In most circumstances, I accept love from mum and I seldom, or rarely love her back. Until few days ago, when she acted like a child and asked dad for a birthday present, and I realised from that point of time that every girl wants to be loved and it must be expressed by word, by action or by conduct, not by silence.

At last my dad, as usual, is still acting like a robot and didn't buy my mum a gift, saying that she's already had what she's supposed to have. Everyone at home is disappointed in him, those who're still single and available swore to god that they'll never ever find a husband like this, although he is our dad but so what? I still don't want a husband like this because I'm not going to spend the rest of my life with him, what's the point of getting a always-let-you-down husband?

Or, on the other hand, from that little incident I also realised that women should never rely on men. Once they leave you, that's it, you're done with everything, not only losing a man who used to love you like you are his whole world, but also losing your financial support, and friends, if you treat him like your whole world too. All of sudden, you will be so lost and not knowing what to do next. After that? Probably wasting tissue and cry your ass off. What's next? You still have to move on.

So what's my point? Girls, find anything that can support your living, you can't have your income from a man. Oh of course you can, if you treat the income as an extra money for shopping. Get a job and stop dreaming about all those forever-and-ever-after fairy tales. There is a reason that those stories are give a name fairy tales, wake up. Doesn't is more cheering when you get a Hermes Birkin bag yourself instead of begging from your guy? And of course again, if you are perfect enough to let a man to buy you one, I have nothing to say. And doesn't it more joyful when you can afford a Volvo or BMW or whatever by your own income? Don't you feel proud of yourself when you have achieved something?

I'm going to work so hard that one day I can be a woman like this, no kidding.

What I want for this holiday.

The one and only holiday I've had has almost come to an end.

I didn't do anything particularly significant, nor particularly meaningful.

What I really want to do during this holiday is to have a really nice break after 8 months of torturing ( well, I had a 7-day SEM BREAK in between).

I just want to do whatever that comes suddenly to my mind, without being restricted by schedule. I want to get sufficient rest, I don't want to do anything relating to school, I want to start having a healthy routine, no more staying up late to rush for assignment, to study for exam. I'm tired of being stressed out, of being tearing in the middle of the all the sleepless nights, of not daring to go to bed just because I was afraid of I wasn't doing enough as others did, I am so tired.

If you haven't been through this, you'd definitely have no idea how did I feel after all those had over.

I smiled as if I just got a diamond ring from a guy I love, I shouted as if I won a Ferrari, I got drunk as if I was invisible and wouldn't be seen by anybody else. All these were great, brilliant, amazing, awesome, and whatever adjectives you can think of to describe happiness and excitement.

And finally, result was released after one week of exam.

I'm very proud to say that all my efforts are not wasted, I've passed the very first year of my degree, not passing with flying colours, yet it is enough for me to apply for a not-too-bad university in my third year.

What I really want to say is that, getting what you want is absolutely fine, provided that you get it yourself, with your own hard work and effort.

Yes, I'm harsh, even to myself.

I don't mind being a devil, I don't mind being criticized, and I don't even mind losing.

As long as I know I'm right, and as long as I still think that I'm right after thinking and considering repeatedly.

Life, as we know it.

" Random " describes me.

Suddenly thought of sharing something random here.

In fact, I'm a quite random person, don't like to plan sometimes,

do whatever I like following how I feel.

So, the other day when I went shopping with mum,

I found this pair of socks randomly:

Duckie. Loving it so much. :D

Want to force myself to start eating healthily.

Yet,

I still love cakes.

and

getting drunk.

The fun part of going to club is,

you can do whatever you can't do when you're sober,

and pretend that nothing had happened when you awake.

Or, even better, you can't even remember what had happened last night.

And so, you move on.

So, goodbye exam! My life STARTS now!

After spending don't know how many sleepless nights sitting at Mcd and hostel,

facing books and notes and cases and principles, I'm officially done with exam!

The feeling of no idea what to to next is brilliant and I'm loving it so far.

Just feel rather sad, seeing friends from different places went back to where they belong to.

So do I, came back to where I used to be, but feeling a little not used to it.

When I was there and I was hungry, I went out at bloody 4a.m. to have supper.

I went to bed at 7 o'clock in the morning and woke up at 4 in the evening.

I spent my night at friend's place when I didn't feel like going back to my room,

I talked to her and played with her.

She made me maggie when I was hungry at 4a.m., drove me to uni just because I was too tired to drive as I didn't have much sleep because of the exam.

Seriously, I feel blessed to have such a friend at uni, never thought of getting a friend who treats me better than how I treat myself. In fact, I have quite a lot of nice friends, which is a good thing. haha.

Miao Lu, Me and Claudia.

Sampat gang who always go for dinner at 8pm and supper at 3am.

Miao Lu takes care of my face, she gives me various types of mask every time I go to her room whereas Claudia takes care of my stomach. She will always be here when I'm hungry.

Tow nannies, my love.

Wan Jing, the very first friend I made in the uni.

We are not that close but I know we treat each other as a really nice friend haha.

Between, I like this photo very much!

I've promised myself not to abuse this one month holiday and will definitely make full use of it.

Stop being unhealthy, stop being lifeless and start improving myself, to become better and better, to achieve my goal and get what I deserve.

Oh exam.

I've been staying up these days yet still being so unproductive.

Trying my best to squeeze all the cases and theories into my head yet keep on forgetting, quite depressing sometimes.

Is it true to say that the ability to tolerate with stress will increase when we are getting older?

I am not sure but in fact, I am not feeling really stressed now, just doing what I'm supposed to do.

It's been two weeks since I stayed over at Damansara, quite fun here and most importantly, I get extra sleeping time and I've finally learnt to wash my own clothes. The room is not as spacious as my own room at home yet it is still my little cozy space here, enjoy every single moment staying here.

Exam is getting closer and closer.

I'm not afraid of failing. No, actually I do, just that I am not going to let it happen, so no point of being afraid.

Do whatever I can, work as hard as possible and after that PLAY AS HARD AS I CAN.

An easy question.

Was being excited for mooting this morning.

The feeling is so good when you know that there is someone waiting for you out there. :)

Just a quick update of how am I recently.

Looking at my swollen eyes, eye bags and black cycles and you will probably know what kind of life am I living now. Yet, I'm lovin' it.

I think of you a little too much.

最近，一直想你。