Another new year.

Ok, everyone says that time flies and I have to admit that it really is.

Here comes 31 of December, the last day of the year so it is time for me to recall what I have done in this year, what should I do next and how to get it started.

I haven't done anything that significantly good. That is why I always think that I do not deserve what I am having now, I just don't deserved it and sometimes I feel incredibly guilty, I don't know why.

Went to the UK to study is the most important incident of mine in this year. My parents cried, grandparents cried, aunts cried, my friends cried and I cried. I don't know why I had the courage to go all by myself until now. Recalling the memory that the first day I arrived, I don't know why and how I got through all these.

I supposed to study hard there but I'm not really studying hard. I get distracted by people easily. My laziness is growing stronger than my stamina and sometimes I will wonder where's the stamina that I used to have. When my mum calls me, asking me if everything is alright, make me feel worse because everything isn't that fine but I have to say "yeah, everything is good." to make her feel better. So sometimes I not really want to talk to her because I feel guilty, deeply.

To be honest, I have been remaining single for quite some time. Sometimes I feel lonely and feel like loving someone and being loved by someone. But my heart had gone death, too hard to have the feeling of love towards people and thus, too hard to be loved. I used to like him, and when I say I like him, I mean it, deeply. One side of love isn't enough and that is why I got hurt, deeply too. But weird, getting hurt doesn't stop me from liking him. Although I've encountered some guys who are quite nice, but I can't fall in love any more. I'd rather be alone. If you ask me how much I like him, I would say I have no idea. If you ask me how can I get rid of him, I would say so too and I know that I'm not going to do that, at least for now. Why do I like him so much? I don't know I just like him, he who smiles like a sun. But yes, if I recall what had happened, the wound is still hurting.

What am I going to do in the brand new year? Good question.

I am going to study harder, try my best to pass the first year. I will have a healthier lifestyle, will attend yoga class from January. I want to know more people, extend my social circle. I want to learn new things, anything. I want to be tougher and stronger, not to cry easily. I want to be happy and cheerful and nice, all the time. I don't want to be an angry person. I want to forgive and forget.

Happy New Year guys, have an awesome one.