Another new year.

Ok, everyone says that time flies and I have to admit that it really is.

Here comes 31 of December, the last day of the year so it is time for me to recall what I have done in this year, what should I do next and how to get it started.

I haven't done anything that significantly good. That is why I always think that I do not deserve what I am having now, I just don't deserved it and sometimes I feel incredibly guilty, I don't know why.

Went to the UK to study is the most important incident of mine in this year. My parents cried, grandparents cried, aunts cried, my friends cried and I cried. I don't know why I had the courage to go all by myself until now. Recalling the memory that the first day I arrived, I don't know why and how I got through all these.

I supposed to study hard there but I'm not really studying hard. I get distracted by people easily. My laziness is growing stronger than my stamina and sometimes I will wonder where's the stamina that I used to have. When my mum calls me, asking me if everything is alright, make me feel worse because everything isn't that fine but I have to say "yeah, everything is good." to make her feel better. So sometimes I not really want to talk to her because I feel guilty, deeply.

To be honest, I have been remaining single for quite some time. Sometimes I feel lonely and feel like loving someone and being loved by someone. But my heart had gone death, too hard to have the feeling of love towards people and thus, too hard to be loved. I used to like him, and when I say I like him, I mean it, deeply. One side of love isn't enough and that is why I got hurt, deeply too. But weird, getting hurt doesn't stop me from liking him. Although I've encountered some guys who are quite nice, but I can't fall in love any more. I'd rather be alone. If you ask me how much I like him, I would say I have no idea. If you ask me how can I get rid of him, I would say so too and I know that I'm not going to do that, at least for now. Why do I like him so much? I don't know I just like him, he who smiles like a sun. But yes, if I recall what had happened, the wound is still hurting.

What am I going to do in the brand new year? Good question.

I am going to study harder, try my best to pass the first year. I will have a healthier lifestyle, will attend yoga class from January. I want to know more people, extend my social circle. I want to learn new things, anything. I want to be tougher and stronger, not to cry easily. I want to be happy and cheerful and nice, all the time. I don't want to be an angry person. I want to forgive and forget.

Happy New Year guys, have an awesome one.

你在哪里？

我记得那个美丽的夜晚。

你说，我听。

那不是我们的故事，

却没有打断你，

虽然苦涩的感觉让我想哭。

偶尔，我会想念那一股你快乐所以我快乐的傻气。

其实，

我还是喜欢听你说，

因为你的声音让我觉得安全。

如果你问我有没有谁让我很喜欢，我会说有。

如果你问我懂不懂得他，我说我不懂。

我没有你踏出第一步我就会负责其余九十九步的勇气。

所以不敢妄想童话的爱情。

久了，心比平淡的爱情还淡，所以也不想了。

Happy three days which I have been through.

Had such an amazing days with neighbours just before holidays.

The very first Christmas dinner in my life, dancing on the dance floor with alcohol and music, throwing snowballs on a snowy day and making our own snowman!

Just get the pictures to do the talk:

15/12/2010 (Wednesday) Christmas dinner:

Have been waiting for this dinner for weeks and finally it was here!

The table decorations that day.

Everardo, my secret Santa. That t-shirt is his gift for me. Bazinga, a phrase which means joking from Big Bang Theory.

Yeah! Christmas in the UK.

Playing hide and seek, waiting for the ghost to catch us.

Just got the lantern to the sky, watching it flying higher and higher, wishing that everyone's wishes will come true.

16/12/2010 (Thursday) Dancing & Drinking night:

Last outing of P Block for this semester so I really felt like going. Had a very good time in the pub with them.

James was pretty drunk while three of us were just fine.

With Katie, she's charming.

With London, she was exhausted.

With Everardo, we were wondering what time we can go back.

With Wales, she wrapped herself by a big present bag, how cute!

17/12/2010 (Friday) Snowball fight:

It was snowing heavily for the first time in Liverpool so the snow was thick enough for us to fight by using snowballs. We ran out, playing like a kid. For a while, we stopped thinking of those annoying coursework, tutorial etc etc.

With Sean. The only reason he was there simply because his flight was being cancelled because of the snow. He was still there although he said: fuck the snow.

I love sitting on the snow, they're like cotton, soft and comfortable.

With Rose and Mel.

Tomorrow everyone is going home, nobody will be here any more so I will be all alone but just for one day and I am leaving for home too!

To be honest I didn't work really hard since Wednesday because I think that I have done enough so I decided not to give too much pressure on myself. The first thing I want to do when I go back? Meeting a doctor, talk about the insomnia which I am having now with him.

See you. xxx

OMG, influenza !

Oh my god, I can't believe that I have been through all the freaking boring lectures on Monday! So this is the end, no more Monday classes from now on. Well, just for semester one... Anyway, still, it is a good news.

I am having a flu suddenly. How lucky am I, this comes to me just before the bloody holidays for god's sake!!!!

My neighbours are going out again. Ok fine, please don't get drunk and start screaming on the corridor at 4 in the morning... That's all I wish. Have a good night though.

Gonna watch a film and off to bed. Yay!!!

Again, sleepless night.

Ok fine, I am here again early in the morning. I wanted to sleep but I couldn't help it.

We gathered in the kitchen just now, learning each others' accent and it was bloody funny. I was asked to speak "I am going to Asda to buy some bread." in Mandarin, and everyone was supposed to speak it out. There were six people there just now, each and everyone wanted me to repeat it, so I repeated "我要去Asda买面包" about 12 times... And when it was my turn to learn theirs, I just couldn't stop laughing but I did quite well, hoho! Hi, how's it going, I'm going to Asda to buy some bread but I've got a cold so it makes it worse... HAHAHAHA!!!

Ok I know it is not funny for you guys so I'm going to stop this topic...

Next week is the last week of semester one, I've got no more tutorial! I have been through all my tutorials this week! It's so exciting!!! Walking in the town alone after the tutorial yesterday, bought a Christmas gift for the secret Santa session which will be held in our floor next week, bought myself a little bubblebar to comfort myself as well because I don't know why, I was so depressing after the tutorial. The bubblebar is good though, like it so much, going to buy more in the future. Ah ya, forgot to tell, the bubblebar is something like soap but it is much more better than soap. It smells nice and good to use, lovin' it.

Weather here is getting weirder. Last week was horribly, freaking and bloody cold but this week is all right. I predict that next week will be even colder but I am going back anyway so I've got two weeks to enjoy the warmth.

*omg, I heard someone is in the corridor*

See, I am not the only who is awake, this makes me feel better, haha.

I have done nothing today besides attended two tutorials and one lecture. Ahh, I don't care, just need some time to calm myself down, to find some motivations for the following week.

Good night sweeties.

9 days left and I'll leave.

Yay! After waiting for almost a week, my train ticket is finally here with me!

I can't believe that I am going back in 9 days!

It is just like a dream, that I have been here for 3 months, got some fresh views and ideas 'bout how the world looks like, got to know myself more than the past, got some experiences that I wouldn't get at home and having lessons 'bout what life actually is.

Things are getting harder, I know, there are more to come. But what's easy? Sitting in front of the television, watching film, playing games, listening to music, searching for good food, or sleeping from dawn to dusk? Yar, these are fun but we will get bored and sick of these.

I know I can do it if I want to, whenever I think of how I walked back from Asda to my room with loads of things I just bought. I will never ever forget that...

2 coursework, 1 formative exercise, 2 forthcoming exams and MASSIVE readings, here I come!

Urghh, havin' insomnia again. Can't fall asleep even I had a glass of honey milk just now. Going to take a shower at 1.42 a.m.. Well, I am insane but I have no choice. I need to sleep no matter how....

Say hi again.

So, after disappearing from my life a couple of months, the bloody insomnia which I used to have is visiting me again.

I was lying on my bed from 11p.m.. Now it is bloody 2a.m. and I am still awake!

Stay away from me insomnia! It is not fun spending time with you!!!!!

Feeling sorry.

Looking at my face, I know it's time to stop eating junk food.

I feel sorry for myself.

I AM SORRY.

It's my day!

It starts snowing a little bit more in Liverpool but still, not as much as other places in the UK, so I haven't got the chance to make my own snow man, nor have snow fight with friends. But it's still funny, since this is the first time of mine, walking in a snowing day.

Well, it is freaking cold though. Last few days, I was really planning to stay in the library rather than staying in my room as library is much more warmer! And I will get more of my works done if I stay there... just can't really concentrate in the room sometimes. But now! No more library if it is not necessary! 'Cause I've got a heater here!

*phone was vibrating while I was in the library*

Everardo: I'm in town, do you want a heater?

Me: YAYAYAYAYA!!! THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!! *my tears was about to drop*

Well, it costs me £13 but it is worth investing! I mean, look at the weather out there!

I want to turn it on while I'm sleeping, while I'm reading, while I'm watching films, while I'm talking on the phone, while I'm eating, while I'm bathing .... etc etc etc. I just don't want to turn it off!!

Here, he's my husband. I promise I will never ever leave you Mr.heater. (well, it will be voided in the summer of course...)

And another exciting news for me today was ....

I have just bought my train ticket to Manchester Airport on 20 Dec ! Yay!

So now, I have done almost everything to go home. Ah ya, just left 2 coursework to complete (half-way done is acceptable anyway...). But still wish that I could get them done before going back.

Lectures and tutorials are on their way to the end so I wish I could stop lingering around and start working harder and harder and harder, for the sake of my forthcoming quality times in Malaysia.

Ok, I am going to work hard on Criminal Law now. (I have been working on this after dinner and I haven't done it yet, 'cause I went to bar to get a drink, came back and facebook for a while, felt hungry and start eating shortbread for m&s *they are incredibly tasty* ...)

Anyway, just need to finish all the required reading before going to bed so I will be able to answer the tutorial questions tomorrow. Hopefully can start my contract coursework tomorrow evening or night, or maybe start preparing the tutorials for next week 'cause I will be having 3 bloody tutorials again ! ( but after these I'll be fine!)

I wrote the details on a paper and put it up on my notice board and it can remind me the day is coming soon and I will remind myself to keep going, don't give up and complete my works as soon as possible.

I didn't realise that I've written a lot until now, hahaha. Sorry just have a lot to say today. Maybe I am in a very exciting mood.

I have a heater now and I bought the train ticket, today is my day! Love you Wednesday!

Also, I miss him who smiles like a sun. xxx

Lecture is cancelled tomorrow. I enjoy every moment when I stay in my room.

Have a nice day friends!

Hi December!

Last day of the November is here and winter will be officially here tomorrow!

The bloody heater is still not working and I might get one in the future to prevent myself from freezing to death. Winter makes people feel reluctant to wake up and frankly speaking, it makes people don't want to go to toilet so frequently. Why? There are too many layers, it is totally a waste of time, haha.

I have been putting layer and layer on myself, outdoor more, indoor lesser. It has been ages since I wore a t-shirt and short pants, freaking miss it!

Lectures and tutorials are on their way to the end, it means that the holiday is coming and I am going back home! Got to work hard for this and the following week so I can enjoy a little bit more when I'm there!

See ya!

---- silence ----

I was trying to have an early night but just couldn't sleep well.

Instead of lying on the bed I decided to get out of my comfy bed, to clean my room.

A weird idea, isn't it? Just can't tolerate with the dusts!

Cleaned the study table and toilet, feel much more better to stay in my room now...

After doing the cleaning job, I looked outside and I realised that it was snowing!

Shhhh... silent.

She's been thinking of someone...

He doesn't know that he is an idiot.

An ordinary Saturday when we decided to make ourselves pasta.

I like living here, besides learning laws, I have learnt a lot.

I didn't know how to make myself a proper meal last time but I know now.

I can tolerate more.

I understand that some people don't deserve to be cared.

I find that people will never listen to you until they finally fell down.

Go ahead people,

nothing is related to me.

I am an outsider, looking at the performances.

I can see what you are up to and I start laughing at you when you start performing.

I am not an idiot, you are.

A warm Friday night.

This afternoon, when Laurette and I walked out from the study area in library, she looked at the window and said:"Hey, it's snowing!"

I was shocked for a couple for seconds and I started to shout "OH MY GOD, ARE YOU SERIOUS?! IT'S SNOWING NOW?!!! I AM SO EXCITED!!!!" Then, I ran out from the library to see the snow. The snow was light so I didn't manage to take a picture for you guys to see, hahahahaha!!!!

And the heater in my room is still not working but luckily Katie lent her heater for me. It was sooooooooooo nice to stay in a warm room and without four layers of sweaters and pants!

Tonight will be a good night !!!

This is so lovely!!!

I was so excited so I sat beside the heater to enjoy every warm moment...

Hey winter, you're a bit early.

他们说，今年的冬天来早了。

树上的叶子越来越少，越来越少，到有一天，只剩下空秃秃的树枝黯然的挂在天空的一角；

吹在脸庞上的风越来越冷，到有一天，发现吹来的风开始让我颤抖；

天暗得越来越早，下午三点半，本该在咖啡馆吃茶点的时刻，暗得让我想回家了。

房里的暖气不暖。

非常时刻，唯有拼命往身上加衣。

一层一层，暖暖地很舒服。

觉得自己是洋葱，上半身下半身都好多层 ...

如果你不了解我的冷 ...

是的，在特别冷的今晚，我穿着四条裤四件衣，正要去睡觉呢。

喜欢暖暖地在被窝里入睡，然后有个好梦，

因为明早起来，又是一堆的作业和课本。

心里空空的。

我想念那个笑得很灿烂的大男孩。

又怎样？好像都跟你没有关系 ...

I miss you who smile like a sun...

Owww, me as a night person again.

I thought I will be an early person here but too bad, I am still the same. Anyway, trust me, I did try to go to bed early but once the works are piling up, I have no choice but to stay at the library a little bit longer and when I start staying at the library longer, I reach home later, I facebooking later and watch movie and blogging later, thus, I sleep later~ It is just a horrible vicious circle.

The side-effect of the vicious circle is, I always get hungry easily and I am too weak to resist the biscuits so I start eating at night. As I keep on eating my face become rounder and my belly become bigger and my ass become wider. Although I feel really bad about the changes of my body, I still get hungry easily because I need to walk a lot in the campus and the cold weather consumes my energy quicker. Once I am hungry, I am dying so in order to prevent myself from dying, I never stop eating. So here's another vicious circle.

Facing two vicious circles I am stressed again so I am having trouble sleeping these days and my black circles are getting worse...

There are indeed many challenges around us. But we just got to strive for it. It will be fine at the end, if it is not fine, it is not the end!

This week I am not a slow reader any more, I have read all the cases and chapters for the contract law seminar this Friday and this time, I still have one day to reread the articles which we need to read for the Public law tutorial, which I didn't really understand. It is a milestone of my studies. As long as I keep on reading, it will definitely be fine. But I need the support from you guys. Feel free to post something encouraging on my wall on Facebook, keep on reminding me to work hard, that's all I need.

Ok, that's all for today.

Gonna do some exercises before sleeping, it helps me to fall asleep easier, perhaps, and on the other hand, prevent me from getting fatter as well.

Good night and see you soon xxxx

I miss him who smiles like a sun.

冬天来了。

窗外的树，

没有了树叶，你过得还好吗？

在离你不愿的我，看着你也感觉得到你的孤单。

很快过去的。

到时候，你会是颗盛开的树，

而我，还是那个孤单的人。

I miss him who smiles like a sun.

Picture of the day

The consequence of staying up late in a cold weather.

Margaret's birthday.

Celebrating Margaret's birthday by staying in the library for a couple of hours and having dinner at The London Carriage Works and going to the Christmas market which located at Liverpool One. Had lots of fun and of course, spent quite a lot of money but it's ok 'cause I always like to save my pocket money for weekends ~

We were waiting for Everardo and Sarahs to finish the ice-skating.

Yeah, here's the birthday girl with her precious Desigual coat.

I seriously love this. I wasn't afraid but I was damn excited, I should have brought along my camera as the view was sooooooooooo nice but no worries 'cause I will definitely go again! Will take some photos next time, I promise!

Wow! I was up there and the strong wind almost killed me, hahaha~

Weather is getting colder and colder here, have to wear many layers even though I'm in my room, not to say when I am outside, with rains and winds sometimes. It is not fun at all. January is the coldest, I can't wait for it to pass, honestly.

I am going back in one month time! Have been planning what I am going to do and what I am going to eat these days. It is so nice I can escape from the coldness!!

Take care guys, see you xxxx

莫文尉 外面的世界

一个放学的午后，如常地打开面子书。

"Fishyi yee tagged you in a post" 。

按了播放。

“在很久很久以前，你拥有我我拥有你，

在很久很久以前，你离开我去远空翱翔。”

心沉了一下，把持不住我的眼泪。

就算距离很远很远，

我始终觉得，

还是你们最好。　

脸红心跳星期六。

Finally I met muscular guys in the UK.

I WANT FOOD!

I had fried vegetables, dumplings, rice and miso soup for lunch today.

It was such a satisfying meal! :)

Looking forward to going back. I want to eat as much as I can, I want to become a pig :P

Reading week.

I got three days off these week, they call it "reading week" but fuck them, it is not one week and it is kind of impossible for me to complete the works. The reading never ends.

I don't know how many of you know that I was thinking to switch to Law and Business course last week. I wanted to change but too bad, they said that it is too late to change at this stage of year. If I really want to change, I got to wait until next year in September. I have two options, which is continue studying my first year in Law, and then transfer to Law and Business next year, start all over again from year, another option is, I quit now and come back again next year. I seriously don't like these options so I will just keep on studying. It is only three years, get through it! Everything is going to be fine!

I start discovering what type of student I am and which kind of way to study is suitable for me. I am a student who need to do my own notes. I can't read it just from textbook, while I am reading, my hands should move as well. So I start writing notes again. I think I will never ever get rid of notes but anyway, as long as it works, I am more than happy to do that.

Well, another thing to say before I go.

I AM GOING BACK NEXT MONTH!!!! SEE YOU GUYS SOON !!!!

I better go back to my books, I am motivated :)

Food, sleep and wear.

I believe all those who comes here regularly knew that my parents came to visit me.

These days ...

I was eating FOOD, I was really stuffed, my room is now a bedroom and finally, I have some fancy clothes.

Some chocolates from Vienna and some biscuits from M&S.

They made me a new and comfortable and beautiful bed.

I'm loving it.

Some t-shirts my mum brought from home and some clothes they bought for me here made my wardrobe much more adorable.

From now on,

I find that my room is so lovely and I don't feel like stepping out of it any more.

Thanks, dad & mum.

I know how deep the love is.

It's autumn now.

Hello guys! Just a quick update to announce that autumn is here!

Ok, fine, fine. I know it is sort of lame.

My parents are coming to visit me tomorrow!!! It is so exciting~

It just isn't feel right.

I am spending Halloween night in my room,

I have no mood to celebrate, to think about what am I going to be for party,

to try laughing, which I really don't want to...

Facing a terrible mood swing recently.

I am unhappy, with all the books and cases and tutorials and seminars.

I feel scared, when classmates could answer the questions,

could understand the lecturer, while I couldn't.

I really want to be good.

I am trying my very best to read, to understand, to answer.

I have been spending most of my time in the library,

which I would never do that during high school...

I start staying up late, I start having trouble sleeping,

I start feeling tired and sleepy and emotional.

Sorry, I know I should not complain.

Being a student, my only job is to study.

Studying hard is my only obligation, I have to be responsible.

But I just need a space to tell what I think, what I feel to make myself feel better.

There is no one I can talk to here, sometimes I feel bad and I need a hug.

I hate the feeling when I know my friend is sad but I can do nothing.

I need someone to listen to me;

I need a hug;

I need someone to tell me I will be fine;

I need someone to ask me not to cry;

Stop torturing me bastard.

Now, I may rest in peace.

Today is my happiest day within this week,

I have been through two tutorials and one seminar, and a lecture as well !

I was dying to do the readings, spent most of time in the library last few days,

stayed up until 3a.m. to write the essay, woke up early in the morning to read ...

But, it is all over now, I may rest in peace later ~ teeeheeeeeeeeeeee ~~

Anyway, Margaret and I have found out that there is no break for us during weekends,

we still have to read, read and read, so that we won't feel that terrible during weekdays,

and perhaps can go to bed earlier.

Don't say that we are hardworking, we are just trying to responsible for our choice. =.=

Did quite a lot of things just now, had rice with kimchi soup and vegetables for dinner,

did the washing up, cleaned a small part of the kitchen and my room as well.

Feeling so damn good now ~

Between, I had added something to my room,

just wanted to make my room more ... shinyi-style ~

Let's see huh!

Tadang~!!!!!

Look at two little cute fishes over there ~

What do you think? Are they adorable? =D

See ya ~

I love my neighbours !!

Had dinner with neighbours just now at China Town.

I don't know why they are so interested in Chinese food and some of them were even using chopsticks to eat. Forgive me for forgetting to take the pictures, it's such a waste !!!

Anyway, I feel so lucky to stay at P block, with the friendly and awesome neighbours.

We were on the way home after having dinner.

They are Everardo, Melanie, Margaret and Sam.

In the kitchen. I love staying at the kitchen and talking to them.

They are Melanie and Vicky, Melanie is from the UK while Vicky is from Wales.

It's Katie and Sarah. They are both British.

Everardo and Sarah. He's from Mexico and she's from London.

I was so depressed last few days because of the tutorial and seminar but I'm fine now.

I realised that nothing is easy.

Mexico is studying pilot course, it is definitely difficult;

Sarah is studying physics, it is annoying;

Katie is studying English and she is suffering;

All I have to do is just shut up and do what I need to,

there is nothing to complain about but yes, it is hard.

Sometimes I will think, what the hell I have done to get an offer from this university.

It was happy on that moment but now, I find that it's torturing.

But I have a chance to study abroad, which many people wish to...

Law is absolutely hard and my brain is absolutely all right, not that clever tough...

Well that's not the point... My point is, I just need to work harder.

No more give up from now.

Me, happy birthday !

I'm here to wish myself Happy 19th Birthday.

I wish that everyone around me will have a better life, happy always and may all their dreams come true.

For myself, I wish that I could graduate and get a law degree successfully.

And the last one, well, everyone says that it should be a secret. =P

Anyway, I'm here to give you guys some update on my life here too.

It's much more better since Margaret and Theresa were here, we bought the groceries and prepare dinner every day.

Also, I can seek help from Margaret when I can't catch up with the lecture,

I can have lunch with her, not alone any more,

I have companion to walk around the campus etc etc,

so I'm feeling better, and of course, happier.

As you guys know, Margaret is a kind of person who can get along with people well.

She's chatty, knowledgeable and cute, I feel like I am getting closer with my floor mates since she was here. It's really delightful.

Between, I feel like she doesn't feel like eating here. She always complaining about how terrible the food is, how nice the Malaysian food is and how much she misses rice.

We're going to China Town to get RICE later so we'll probably having rice for dinner today~

And one more thing to share before I go,

I cleaned the kitchen just now, those am mo-s are all babies,

they can't even wash their own dishes well!

Anyway, I feel much more better after cleaning. 洁癖狂 ... =.=

Shopping day.

Today is the day my friends and I decided to go shopping.

It was a very nice day, sunny with a little wind and most importantly, it didn't rain.

We walked around the city centre, looking for the things we needed.

I bought three small baskets and a body butter which surprisingly cheap.

It costs less than 1 pound, it's such a bargain!

And I've to say, it smells really nice ~

We had Mcd for lunch.

This was the first time I spent about RM 20 for Mcd ...

Lisien with Filet O'Fish and Chicken Legend and I.

After having our lunch, we heading to China Town to buy some groceries.

I found Maggie and Bin bin Rice Cracker there!

It feels really great to see something you familiar with in another country.

Lisien, me and China Town.

I have forgotten her name. I just met her today,hahaha~

Jamie and Ley are preparing lunch for us tomorrow.

Pasta, mash potatoes, tom yam soup and vegetables will be served~

After the lunch, it's time for me to wait for Margaret and Theresa.

I'm so excited !!!