Goodbye the past!

Hello everyone,
kindly be informed that I've had a new blog now.

danielleshinyi.blogspot.com


Thank you and have a nice day.


p/s: goodbye the past!

It's hard to choose between two evils.

Which one is nicer?

I'm like a old lady who's undergoing menopause.

Yes, here comes again the unhealthy lifestyle, assignments' fault, not mine.

No pain, no gain. I guess I will just have to work hard and get through all these challenges.

At least my effort has not made me disappointed so far, one down, four more to go.

Hopefully by the end of next week, there will be just three more left, hopefully.

December's been really hectic, it's getting nearer to new year without realising how fast the time has passed. For the sake of assignments, I started to skip class regularly just recently.

Yea, that wasn't a typo, I skip class regularly, and feel guilty while burying myself back to piles and piles of books and notes. Never mind, it's fine to skip class to make myself guiltier, yet happier.

Holiday is around the corner, joy of Christmas is everywhere.

I'm actually very looking forward to Christmas, not only because it is a festive season where I can see all the lovely decorations and Santa Claus and candies etc etc but also because I can finally have another two weeks of holiday. Just not long ago, Syazana told me she will be coming back for Christmas, as how I did last year, just that I didn't leave anymore after that. Anyways, her good news has made me more excited for Christmas. What I'm thinking now is to get my work done as much as possible and play as hard as possible during holiday.

Recently, it seems like a trend for me to keep coming home from uni.

Perhaps because of all the workload I got there has scared me away from staying there, and at this kind of situation home becomes a heaven for me. You know, when you are not so far yet not so near to a stressful place, when you are just in the middle, you feel comfortable.

By the way, classmates actually started planning what are we gonna do after final next year in June! Sounds so interesting isn't it? Will probably have a trip to Taiwan, hopefully we are really going! Travelling around makes me feel really great because I get to explore and escape.

Honestly I don't know what's the purpose of this post but just feel like writing something here as it has been abandoned for quite a long time. Will try to get it more up to date, just try, isn't a promise. Oh, I know I've been acting like a really aggressive woman who's undergoing menopause, I'm sorry I was out of my mind. In fact we really don't have to care for those who do not give a damn on us. It is great that they are doing well, if they are not, touch wood, it's not your concern as well. So just be stranger and act like we never know each other, and treat each other like we don't exist in each other's world. Sound mean? Yea I am. Sometimes it's ok to be selfish instead of selfless, why? Because they don't care what you have done, so be selfish, love yourself more, only love those who love you back, the rest? Fuck off. I don't want these people in my life, I'd rather be alone.

Be selfish and selfless, be mean and kind, be an angel and a devil, laugh at people and turn back on people, all these contrasts, are what I've learnt to protect myself.

Want me to be helpful, be kind to me first.

Want me to smile, smile at me first.

Want me to be bitchy, of course, be a bitch in front of me and I'll pay you in double.

Say whatever you want, but before judging me, put yourself into my shoes first.

You've heard what I have been through, not get through what I have been.

So basically I'm asking you to shut up.

I'm dead.

It's not a good idea to be emotional at this point of time but I'm so sorry that I'm emotional now.

Five assignments, all due in a month, tons of information to be read and digested into my head and words to be coming out from my head, rephrasing those overwhelming information. I don't know, I'm not even sure now whether I can do this or not. It's just too much. I know I've been running away from this but if I don't face it now, I'm gonna be so so so so dead.

And at this point, I just wonder if anyone out there is willing to offer me a help, just like how I did.

Ah I don't think so, they're not studying law, they can't help me, they can just staring at me thinking how pitiful I'm, thinking I should be fine because I look so smart to them.

YES THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT.

That's why I always get calls asking me for help, and after that, I'm just a piece of shit, burying myself back to my work and no one calls, not even a thanks. Come on, is it too over to ask for a thank you?

I'm such a pathetic bitch.

一句话。

君恨我生迟，我恨君生早。

Human beings are selfish!

Human beings are selfish, just admit it.

You give in for a reason,

I don't believe you're not asking for a single thing for your effort,

honestly, that's bullshit.

Conclusion is, human beings are selfish, just fucking admit it.

I'm just an ordinary human being, being a little bit extraordinary,

because I know, and I admit it, that I'm selfish.

Oh damn, I stepped on a real shit this time.

Life with joy.

This week is in fact, fun and joyful.

Finally got to buy the cupcakes I have always wanted to buy, yet I haven't tasted it personally, will get a box for myself very very soon!

People say not to judge a book by its cover, but looking at these cutie baby cupcakes I can't help myself but to believe that it is very nice in fact!

Looking at these I feel incredibly happy.

Another love of my life, sushi.

Have been having Japanese food at least once in a week, whenever I am, I think of it, simply love it very much, can't resist the temptation of sushi and soba.

I don't want to listen to anything bad, don't want to put myself into a difficult position, don't want to look at anything which is sad, stupid, pointless or whatsoever.

I'm having an absolutely brilliant life.

Just wondering.

Have you ever experienced this,

keep thinking of a person and start wondering if you have fallen for him.

Just wondering, you know.

Sexy Thursday.

Beer and handsome,

sexy Thursday.

Birthday wish.

091011.

Happy 20th birthday to myself.

I appreciate everything that's been given to me, either good or bad.

I appreciate everyone around me, either friend or so called 'unfriend'.

I appreciate that I was born to be me, because there is no one else like me.

I've made a wish, wish that everything is good, no sorrow and pain.

But the wind blew the flame away from me, because it knows it's impossible to live without sorrow and pain. So does it mean that I get another chance to make a wish?

If it's, I wish that every single effort that I've put in will be awarded.

It doesn't have to be a great award, but at least I get something in return, anything.

A smile, a thank you, a phone call, a kiss, a hug, a drink, you know, anything.

I'm not asking anything more that what I've put in, getting an award is an encouragement for me to continue putting in effort, to continue working hard.

That's what I'm thinking, and what I'm asking for.

I'm still not there, though.

Birthday wish, come true, please.

Time's been good, with shitty things happened.

Please do remember that no one was born to do you a favor, no one is supposed to help you out when you're in trouble, no one has a duty to take care of you forever, no one is required to back you up even when you are wrong and no one is responsible for your own fucking stupidity.

You were born with a brain so kindly make use of it and stop blaming someone else for your own naivety.

I CAN NO LONGER STAND IT.

Let me get drunk and get rid of these.

:)

It was a beautiful Saturday morning when I got up without alarm clock.

I was early for the 12pm class, was killing the time by reading on a textbook.

I love it when I don't have to rush, and enjoy the time when I can actually sit down and think about what to do later while having the very first meal of my day.

I don't know how hard second year will be but I think I can, I can.

Good life everyone.

Fresh start.

Second year officially started on Tuesday, we were warned quite a lot of times that year 2 is going to be much more harder than year 1, and that for those who think year 1 was tough, toughness of year 2 is going to be double. I'm scared by those words, yet since finally I've found a little interest in law, I'm going to work very hard to get the law degree, and will only figure out what actually I want to do after that. Lawyer is definitely not a job for life for me. I deserve something else, not knowing it yet though.

Anyway, my new bloody short hair has made my old classmates to focus on my hair on the first day. Feedback wasn't too bad, maybe short hair suit me better. I'm not that kind of girl, who's willing to spend time on hair. And long hair makes me feel weird, I have a thought that girls with long hair should be quiet, smile shyly, you know, that kind of things, like a princess. Though, I'm not, very obvious. Having to change a style indicates that how determine am I to not look back on the past, it keeps on reminding me that there is no turning back and that I have to move on.

After all, I have no regret.

Bloody short hair.

916, Happy Malaysia Day to everyone, it really is a day which worth celebrating after PM has had the announcement of abolishing Internal Security Act (ISA) and Emergency Ordinance, and also a couple of draconian laws.

So, spent half a day with mum at One Utama on this very joyful holiday.

Have had a very nice day too.

As you've seen, I've got a bloody short hair.

Which type of woman do you want to be?

I was tidying my room the other day and realised that I have got quite a number of collection of bags. Yea it might still be a nothing for some girls but for myself, I think I am very lucky that I can pampered myself with all these middle-classed designer brand bags at the age of 20.

Staring at my little collections, I can't imagine how lucky I am. I always get what I wanted, of course, in very limited circumstance I don't, but mostly, yes. Mum satisfies almost all my wishes, and gives extra sometimes, when I didn't ask for it. Mum is the kind of mother who expresses her love to her kids by buying them stuffs, so I've never ran out of anything. Everything that's been given by parents is very enough, in fact, kinda exceeding yet I don't appreciate what I have sometimes. I know, this is a very wrong part of myself and I'm trying to fix it.

In most circumstances, I accept love from mum and I seldom, or rarely love her back. Until few days ago, when she acted like a child and asked dad for a birthday present, and I realised from that point of time that every girl wants to be loved and it must be expressed by word, by action or by conduct, not by silence.

At last my dad, as usual, is still acting like a robot and didn't buy my mum a gift, saying that she's already had what she's supposed to have. Everyone at home is disappointed in him, those who're still single and available swore to god that they'll never ever find a husband like this, although he is our dad but so what? I still don't want a husband like this because I'm not going to spend the rest of my life with him, what's the point of getting a always-let-you-down husband?

Or, on the other hand, from that little incident I also realised that women should never rely on men. Once they leave you, that's it, you're done with everything, not only losing a man who used to love you like you are his whole world, but also losing your financial support, and friends, if you treat him like your whole world too. All of sudden, you will be so lost and not knowing what to do next. After that? Probably wasting tissue and cry your ass off. What's next? You still have to move on.

So what's my point? Girls, find anything that can support your living, you can't have your income from a man. Oh of course you can, if you treat the income as an extra money for shopping. Get a job and stop dreaming about all those forever-and-ever-after fairy tales. There is a reason that those stories are give a name fairy tales, wake up. Doesn't is more cheering when you get a Hermes Birkin bag yourself instead of begging from your guy? And of course again, if you are perfect enough to let a man to buy you one, I have nothing to say. And doesn't it more joyful when you can afford a Volvo or BMW or whatever by your own income? Don't you feel proud of yourself when you have achieved something?

I'm going to work so hard that one day I can be a woman like this, no kidding.

What I want for this holiday.

The one and only holiday I've had has almost come to an end.

I didn't do anything particularly significant, nor particularly meaningful.

What I really want to do during this holiday is to have a really nice break after 8 months of torturing ( well, I had a 7-day SEM BREAK in between).

I just want to do whatever that comes suddenly to my mind, without being restricted by schedule. I want to get sufficient rest, I don't want to do anything relating to school, I want to start having a healthy routine, no more staying up late to rush for assignment, to study for exam. I'm tired of being stressed out, of being tearing in the middle of the all the sleepless nights, of not daring to go to bed just because I was afraid of I wasn't doing enough as others did, I am so tired.

If you haven't been through this, you'd definitely have no idea how did I feel after all those had over.

I smiled as if I just got a diamond ring from a guy I love, I shouted as if I won a Ferrari, I got drunk as if I was invisible and wouldn't be seen by anybody else. All these were great, brilliant, amazing, awesome, and whatever adjectives you can think of to describe happiness and excitement.

And finally, result was released after one week of exam.

I'm very proud to say that all my efforts are not wasted, I've passed the very first year of my degree, not passing with flying colours, yet it is enough for me to apply for a not-too-bad university in my third year.

What I really want to say is that, getting what you want is absolutely fine, provided that you get it yourself, with your own hard work and effort.

Yes, I'm harsh, even to myself.

I don't mind being a devil, I don't mind being criticized, and I don't even mind losing.

As long as I know I'm right, and as long as I still think that I'm right after thinking and considering repeatedly.

Life, as we know it.

" Random " describes me.

Suddenly thought of sharing something random here.

In fact, I'm a quite random person, don't like to plan sometimes,

do whatever I like following how I feel.

So, the other day when I went shopping with mum,

I found this pair of socks randomly:

Duckie. Loving it so much. :D

Want to force myself to start eating healthily.

Yet,

I still love cakes.

and

getting drunk.

The fun part of going to club is,

you can do whatever you can't do when you're sober,

and pretend that nothing had happened when you awake.

Or, even better, you can't even remember what had happened last night.

And so, you move on.

So, goodbye exam! My life STARTS now!

After spending don't know how many sleepless nights sitting at Mcd and hostel,

facing books and notes and cases and principles, I'm officially done with exam!

The feeling of no idea what to to next is brilliant and I'm loving it so far.

Just feel rather sad, seeing friends from different places went back to where they belong to.

So do I, came back to where I used to be, but feeling a little not used to it.

When I was there and I was hungry, I went out at bloody 4a.m. to have supper.

I went to bed at 7 o'clock in the morning and woke up at 4 in the evening.

I spent my night at friend's place when I didn't feel like going back to my room,

I talked to her and played with her.

She made me maggie when I was hungry at 4a.m., drove me to uni just because I was too tired to drive as I didn't have much sleep because of the exam.

Seriously, I feel blessed to have such a friend at uni, never thought of getting a friend who treats me better than how I treat myself. In fact, I have quite a lot of nice friends, which is a good thing. haha.

Miao Lu, Me and Claudia.

Sampat gang who always go for dinner at 8pm and supper at 3am.

Miao Lu takes care of my face, she gives me various types of mask every time I go to her room whereas Claudia takes care of my stomach. She will always be here when I'm hungry.

Tow nannies, my love.

Wan Jing, the very first friend I made in the uni.

We are not that close but I know we treat each other as a really nice friend haha.

Between, I like this photo very much!

I've promised myself not to abuse this one month holiday and will definitely make full use of it.

Stop being unhealthy, stop being lifeless and start improving myself, to become better and better, to achieve my goal and get what I deserve.

Oh exam.

I've been staying up these days yet still being so unproductive.

Trying my best to squeeze all the cases and theories into my head yet keep on forgetting, quite depressing sometimes.

Is it true to say that the ability to tolerate with stress will increase when we are getting older?

I am not sure but in fact, I am not feeling really stressed now, just doing what I'm supposed to do.

It's been two weeks since I stayed over at Damansara, quite fun here and most importantly, I get extra sleeping time and I've finally learnt to wash my own clothes. The room is not as spacious as my own room at home yet it is still my little cozy space here, enjoy every single moment staying here.

Exam is getting closer and closer.

I'm not afraid of failing. No, actually I do, just that I am not going to let it happen, so no point of being afraid.

Do whatever I can, work as hard as possible and after that PLAY AS HARD AS I CAN.

An easy question.

Was being excited for mooting this morning.

The feeling is so good when you know that there is someone waiting for you out there. :)

Just a quick update of how am I recently.

Looking at my swollen eyes, eye bags and black cycles and you will probably know what kind of life am I living now. Yet, I'm lovin' it.

I think of you a little too much.

最近，一直想你。

Will you miss the past?

在浓妆下，你会不会想念若干年前，

那个不施粉末的自己？

Can you see it?

笑不一定代表快乐，

有谁看得到我背后的一点忧郁？

Don't ask, I'm answering you now.

不要问我最近在忙什么。

我在做作家，

每天回到家头抬起来都嫌浪费时间，

不停不停地写。

一天七张纸，

满满的两面都是我呕心沥血的笔迹。

Love?

Tell me that you miss me,

because I do.

Oh yeah.

最近心情漂亮得就像在谈恋爱。

Quote.

" Take love as a game and you'll never lose. "

What I have become.

Why do you like going to club?

This is the question I always wanted to ask when I was still a so-called good girl who stays at home every day, who seldom goes out with friends.

I didn't even know how does a club look like, which place has a club, how to behave in a club etc.

I always thought that staying at home is the only way to cheer me up when I feel upset, when I'm depressed. It is a place which will always give me courage to move on, to make me feel better.

But I found out sometimes it just doesn't work.

Since the first time I went to a club, I got addicted.

Whenever I feel depressed, an urge to go to a club is so strong that I cannot resist.

I used to hate heavy music, I used to look down on people who get drunk outside, I used to be very conservative.

I don't know what has changed in me.

Heavy and loud music make me feel released.

Alcohol makes me feel excited.

Getting drunk totally cheer me up.

This is what I have become.

A girl who goes to club, has alcohol, get drunk and fell asleep there.

If you don't like this, stay away from me.

I'm not the old version of me, can't go back anymore.

Past is past, nothing that I miss.

I love my life now.

Date: 17/6/2011.

Location: Reggae

Whisky and coke are a total match.

I didn't fall down because of him.

Oh when we were all still sober.

When we were still sober haha.

Mendy who treats me very well.

Final is around the corner.

Gonna start working very hard and go to a club right after that.

我放肆地在玩。

你让我难受，

我只好把它甩开。

You define happiness.

今天早起了，

摆脱手忙脚乱的烦躁，心情愉悦。

其实，自己给的快乐，也很踏实。

Time to be alone.

点一杯Green Tea Latte，

坐在咖啡馆的一角，一个最不显眼的地方。　

喜欢当旁观者胜过于焦点，

所以坐在人来人往的一角，偷窥。

一个人很平静的时候，

我会想是这个世界在疏远我，

还是我太过习惯寂寞，所以总在不自觉中，

远离人群。

如果身边都是虚伪做作，

我宁愿孤独。

我晓得每个人都有一张面具，

所以不奢求真心。　

也因为这样，才觉得独处是必要。　

在一天里腾出一点时间，

做自己吧。

From now on,

all I want is to be a happy and cheerful person.

Those who like me will still like me,

those who don't will still hate me.

So what's the difference ?

Recently, I ...

Life is precious, hence it is too short to be unhappy.

I define happiness as the result of cumulating joys.

That is why I enjoy discovering every little happiness around me, to cheer myself up, to be happy.

Recently, I

enjoy sitting at Starbucks a little too much, either with friends or with myself.

I feel so sick of having Mcdonald's because of these six can glasses that I love so badly.

I have my own room with a study table now.

Not a very spacious study area, but is more than enough.

I have cereal almost every day.

I feel happy when I see the sunrise, which is absolutely adorable.

I still draw nonsenses during the class when I feel bored.

And I like taking photos of others when they are not prepared.

No, they didn't even know that. haha.

Life has got imperfections.

The matter is how you live beyond the imperfections.

I won't care about what others think of me,

as long as I do what I'm supposed to,

as long as I don't betray,

as long as I am feeling alright.

如果有下辈子，我真的不想遇到你。

清晨时分一块浮肿的脸。

Life after you.

There is a song called "Life after you", sang by Daughtry,

a pretty hot guy who I like him quite a lot.

Urgh, well, that isn't the point ...

The lyrics of the song is good.

"All that I'm after is the life full of laughter, as long as I'm laughing with you."

I keep listening to the song,

wondering who will be the person that I absolutely cannot live without.

A friend of mine thought that I'm in love when I posted the lyric as my status.

I laughed, and talked about other things after that, trying to ignore his question.

I wanted to tell him, yes I'm really in love.

"Who?" he would definitely ask.

Ops, the most important thing to ask when someone is in love.

For me I don't know who I'm in love with,

I'm in love with a person who is still not in existence in my life.

I'm in love with him who smiles like a sun, who is willing to accept me as who I am,

who will hold my hand and grow old with me, who loves me as well as our kids.

When I finally meet a person like this,

I will tell him:

All that I'm after is the life full of laughter, as long as I'm laughing with you. :)

Ok, stop dreaming here, good night!!! Done-with-assignment mood YAY!!!

Learn to be alone.

I went to bed before 12am last night, didn't awake until 11am.

When I opened up my eyes, I told myself I was definitely going to follow my plan -- go for a movie alone again.

So I made everything quick or I would miss the 1.30pm movie.

Went out with an empty stomach.

"I can have brunch there," I thought.

Indeed, I had my brunch there, with myself.

No, I had a magazine with me.

And I went for a movie, Water for Elephant.

I was the only one, I was in the middle of the empty seats, I was surrounded by them.

Quite fun.

People asked me why did I do that when I could always call for companion.

I told them it is because I'm a freak, so basically just doing what a freak would do.

Sometimes I told them I want to be special, a little bit more braver than others.

The answers are correct in certain extents, not quite right though.

Are you sure that everyone everything around you is permanent?

I don't think so.

We throw our old things at least once in a year, we lost some people around us, we argue with friends occasionally, we break up with our partner.

The person you love deeply might betray you, the person who loves you will leave you, the person who you think is a friend but sometimes you just got it wrong.

What is forever? What will last until I die? I cannot tell any.

So I start having times by my own.

When I am alone, I look at people around me and I can see clearer.

I can see that I have things that they don't and by looking at them I know I should appreciate how lucky I am. Sometimes they have things that I don't, and instead of being jealous, I started to think how am I going to have them, or how to be even better than me while still not having the things they have.

Yes I'm afraid of losing.

Oh, I'm quite release now because I know that I've officially done with something.

What I'm missing is the past, when you were smiling at me like a sun, when we shared everything to each other, when we laughed as if only two of us in this world. I'm not missing you, I miss the feeling of falling in love, the feeling of being naive and smile for no reason, the feeling that how secure I felt when I was beside you. I miss all these, but not you who have changed into a person who don't care about all these anymore. I don't like this person, I miss the previous one who I still like very much. Will fall for a person who makes me in love like how it was, I love the feeling of being in the love river. Love is very simple, when I look at you, when you smile like a sun in my eyes, I'm in love with you.

p/s: I love guys who smile like a sun, won't fall for anyone else.

Motive.

I've no idea why I'm treating my last assignment as if it is someone else's work.

There is only a hundred of words and it is due next Saturday but I'm still chilling and playing around here.

I don't know what's wrong with me, or us.

Don't you realize that we are always tired of working while we are actually multi-tasking on facebook, twitter, sms etc etc?

Don't you realize that we started to feel sleepy but in fact we just started working on the assignment 5 minutes ago?

Have you ever thought of these? Have you ever thought of finding out the reason of these?

I don't know what's the reason for you but for me,

I need motivation.

I say, thank you.

如果前世五百次的回眸才能换来今世的擦肩而过是真的，

那么我们的相遇是在多少次回眸，多少个擦肩后发生的？

　

一辈子很长，遇见的人很多，懂得我的却很少。

我有很多话想说，有很多情绪想分享，但能明白我的，

在一大群朋友中会有多少人？　

我是一个有傻福的傻子，做人不算圆滑，脾气稍微暴躁，偶尔高傲又懵懂，

有时候有话直说，很天真很傲慢，从头到脚都是数不尽的缺点。

纵使是那么的不完美，还是有人愿意留在我的生命里，

跟我一起走过每一个快乐或是悲伤。

他们包容我离谱的无知；

支持我继续犯着犯了很久的错误；

关心我、安慰我，给我扶持。　

如果，生命中不曾有你们，我就不会是现在那么满足，那么快乐的我。　

　

会想念从前每天见面的日子，

然后在不能常常碰面的现在，后悔没有好好把握从前。

　

我很努力地在珍惜很多次回眸，很多次擦肩而过换来的相知相识。

谢谢你们，最近发生好多事，都是你们的声音和信息在帮我擦眼泪。

　　

Durian puff

I love everything that tastes good, and I love it more when it was given by my love one.

Thanks Sooyee, although it's just a picture, haha!

:D

Phew, another exhausting week is finally over.

And I got my lesson of the day, which is never ever ever submit your assignment just one minute before the deadline. Well, if you have a strong heart, go ahead and try it. I tried it today and I don't want to try it for the rest of my life again.

Anyway, assignment was done and submitted.

Going to enjoy my precious Saturday night with my love one!

I miss him who smile like a sun, still.

So, I've a target now.

I'm in the middle of the assignment AGAIN.

I've two sets of assignment to be submitted within this month,

and next month, right after a week after the submission of my forth assignment,

I'll be having the second assessment.

Two months later the final will be around the corner and right after that again,

I'll be done with first year of my law degree and move on to second year.

Yes it is so hectic but in fact, I like to be like this more.

Intensively hectic life engages my mind and stop me from thinking about nonsense effectively.

At least I have a life here.

What's wrong with tons of homework, tests, assignments, assessments, exams and massive readings?

After all, don't we all need knowledges?

No life?

No, it is totally wrong.

I do still have a life.

I still facebook every day, am still chilling with friends whenever I can, still eating as if my life is not stressful, still shopping as if I'm a billionaire.

So, tell me, what's wrong with my life?

Doesn't it same as yours? :)

Define your life yourself, don't care how a bystander thinks, ignore it, if you don't like it.

Yes, live your life.

Everyone is brilliant, we are born to be brilliant.

What I want to be in the future?

Lawyer? No.

Lawyer is not for me. Reading law doesn't mean that you need to be a lawyer.

I want to be brilliant at work and at home.

A brilliant employer or employee, a brilliant daughter, a brilliant wife and a brilliant mummy.

Hey there, I'm serious here.

Set yourself a target, and work for it.

It will be a great motivation for you to keep on going, trust me, I never lied.

Nice day. xxx

I try very hard to smile.

Smile is the best way to deceive my unhappiness.

That is why in every single morning, I'll look at the mirror and give myself a big smile,

wishing that it will be a good day, nothing bad happens.

In fact, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't as in my heart I know clearly that it is impossible that only happiness exists.

I still try my best to smile, no matter how.

I believe that there is always a person who stays somewhere in our heart, that no matter how hard we tried, he or she seems like never going to move out from there.

I do, have such a person with me.

Loving a person doesn't need a reason.

一通带来噩耗的电话，

带给我的是，你冷冰冰的手 ...

当生命走到尽头，

我还能如何 ...

Goodbye contract law assignment !!!!

Finally I'm done with the crappy contract law assignment!!!

I don't care how much I can score, I don't care how excellent others did, I don't care how wrong am I, I don't care I have lesser sources than other, I just don't want to care about it anymore.

I AM DONE WITH ANOTHER ASSIGNMENT AGAIN!

I've been staying up late for quite some time, for assignment, for homework, for the massive massive readings.

I procrastinate.

I waste time playing and chit chatting around.

I will try my best to stop and start being hardworking.

I'll get what I deserve one day, definitely.

Good night everyone, sweet dream sleep tight!

Accident.

话说，这可是小女人生中的第一次车祸啊。

I'm done with waiting.

Rio~

Rioooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

I just watched this movie.

With who?

Me, myself, yeah!

Oh sem break!

Urhm, yes I'm currently having a short semester break.

I was thinking to have a trip to elsewhere, or maybe get all my messy notes

in order,

have a little revision during the break or maybe just sleep like nobody's business.

Come on, it's a break and we're supposed to make it as a real break, don't we?

Apparently uni doesn't get what does sem break mean.

Lecturers hope we will enjoy our break yet they gave us loads of work to do.

"You're supposed to complete this during the break." ,

"Please get it done during the break."

BLA BLA BLA.

So what is this break for?

I'd rather still go to uni every day,

with the condition not having all these shitty homeworks.

Anyway, that's out of my control I just need to nag a little to express my anger...

Well, despite the fact that the uni doesn't give a damn on our precious 7-day break,

we will have to make it fun ourselves.

Staying at home with homework is seriously not fun but but but,

what's good about procrastinating?

You can always have some fun while you're pissed or annoyed by the heavy workloads!

For me staying at home alone is absolutely amazing.

I can do whatever I want,

either sing loudly like I'm a super star or lying in the middle of the living room.

Yes I enjoy being alone at home and I enjoy free and easy too much!

So one day when the boredom attacked me, I decided to make myself spaghetti.

It's been a long time since I cooked but luckily spaghetti is really easy to prepare,

I didn't screw anything up and the kitchen is still very fine!

Here's how my spaghetti looks like:

I think it looks very nice, hahahahaha!

How does it taste? Hmmmm, call me and I'll make it for you!

And if you know me enough you'd know that going out is definitely a hobby of mine.

Yes I had an outing with Syazana, a friend that I met at Liverpool.

It was so weird when we met up because that was the first time we met each other in Malaysia, our motherland.

It was fun anyway.

I never thought that I would have a Malay best friend.

She's the one!

And I know, I have to do something with my chubby face.

I'll start soon.

I mean, soon.

p/s: and if you know me enough, you'd know that the soon isn't mean anything!

:)

Talking to friends is the best way to make myself feel better when I'm depressed,

it is my favourite anti-stress method and it always works.

When you can sense my emo-ness, yes, talk to me please.

Thank you for talking to me at this point of time,

while you have to prepare for tests and while you have your own problems to solve.

It means a lot to me, a lot.

And yes, you are a good friend.

《深深凝视》 张曼娟

入山好几天，不是雨就是雾，他们都说这时节不对，

所以我只是走进一座山，并没有看见山的样子。　

就像我只是以为自己恋爱了，却没能使他爱上我。　

但，我是真的倾全部心灵虔诚地爱过他了，而且，

这爱仍未枯竭，永不止息。　

离开这座山，一个转弯，天忽然晴了，

我清楚看见山脉、天空、云朵、河流，

比想象中更壮阔动人。

我深深凝视，像顶礼着贵重的爱情。

其实，他有没有爱过我，一点也不重要。　

Christina Aguilera Bound to You ( Burlesque soundtrack)

Sweet love, sweet love
Trapped in your love
I've opened up, unsure I can trust
My heart and I were buried in dust
Free me, free us

You're all I need when I'm holding you tight
If you walk away I will suffer tonight

I found a man I can trust
And boy, I believe in us
I am terrified to love for the first time
Can you see that I'm bound in chains
I finally found my way
I am bound to you
I am bound to you

So much, so young
I've faced on my own
Walls I built up became my home
I'm strong and I'm sure there's a fire in us
Sweet love, so pure

I catch my breath with just one beating heart
And I brace myself, please don't tear this apart

I found a man I can trust

And boy, I believe in us
I am terrified to love for the first time
Can't you see that I'm bound in chains
I finally found my way
I am bound to you
I am bound to

Suddenly the moment's here
I embrace my fears
All that I have been carrying all these years
Do I risk it all
Come this far just to fall, fall

Oh, I can trust
And boy, I believe in us
I am terrified to love for the first time
Can you see that I'm bound in chains
And finally found my way
I am bound to you

I am,
Ooh, I am
I'm bound to you

I love this song.

Sunday afternoon, give me a cup of hot chocolate and a book.

我会突然对某些事上瘾。

像是最近，习惯迟睡，

习惯午后一个人在咖啡馆，　

一杯热巧克力，一本书或是一台电脑。　

我喜欢那么自由，那么没有拘束。　

今天天气很阴凉。　

我依然在咖啡馆，还是一杯热巧克力，和张曼娟的《你是我生命的缺口》。　

短短的散文，看了不会让人觉得闷。　

一章几页，一小口热巧克力，再继续。

　

在吵杂的人群中我好像很虚幻，

与人群暂时隔离让我心里很舒服。　

张曼娟说，

如果有个男人为她撑伞，

她肯定会爱上他。　

后来她遇上了这样的一个人，

才知道原来就算有人为她撑伞，

也未必会爱上。

然后我不禁好奇，自己究竟会爱上怎样的人？　

在人群中会牵我的人，我第一个想到；　

然后，我觉得是肩膀很好靠的人；

又或许，是笑容很好看的人。　

沉醉在想象里边，好一段时间。　

后来我又想，

在人群中愿意牵我的人、肩膀很安全的人、笑容很好看的人，

遇上了就一定会爱上吗？　

爱情从来就不是等式。

而我从来不喜欢钻研公式，破解迷题。　　

所以最后我选择热巧克力，

至少在那瞬间它温暖我的肚子。　

BLUE!

I have blue nails!